I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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