Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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