how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
