I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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