I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
