problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
