i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
