Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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