her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
