Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
