I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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