apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
