you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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