turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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