Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
