I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
