So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
