College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i was born a porn star she said
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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