i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
