My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize