my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
