How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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