on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We left the knife in your bed.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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