Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
