i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
