He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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