It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
i've created a new STD.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
