Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
