You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
