I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I wish i was in the wii world.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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