my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
