since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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