He is such a slut. More and more my type.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Drunk walkin through police station. America
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
