do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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