Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
