HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
