Your mouth is God's brothel.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
