They should really pass out barf bags in church
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
how does that bad decision feel?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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