I don't usually arrange sex via text message
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
