The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
