I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
