If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
