Rock
Scissors
Fuck
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
