if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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