I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
