If i could tip my vagina, i would.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize