Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
