My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
