finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize