U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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