FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
