I was born with a shot glass in my hand
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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