If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
is it fun? or sober?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
