smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
oh god the rape fog is back!
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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