The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
