Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
