So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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