remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize