I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
