I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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