in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Randomize
