My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
