i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
