At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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