How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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