you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
