I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
