Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
