coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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