That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
