So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
