Yo dont text me then not text me
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
