So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
