Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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