I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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