So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
tell your sister to shave her snatch
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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