pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
