i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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