my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize