You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
