i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
