roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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