just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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