Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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