just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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