I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
