If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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