I think I am morally bankrupt
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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