Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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