fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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