Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
