glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
