I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
As shirtless as possible
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
We smell like vodka and hangover
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