I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
