OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Randomize
