meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
