even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
