I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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