He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
