his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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