You made me cry and you don't even care
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
