mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
