Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize