yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Randomize
